The Inaugural Licensed to Mom

Welcome to Licensed to Mom. This is a blog I decided to start after hearing from so many that I should. While the title does lead one to think it's about being a mom, that's not my entire focus, simply because I am not a mom...YET!

Some women when they hit 40 start going for the botox injections, or start working out furiously. That's not me. I found myself single and 40. Gasp! The horror. I am the definition of what my grandmother would have called a Spinster. I've never married. I have a long litany of failed dates and relationships. I'm okay with being single. I've almost perfected it.

I am the quintessential "fun-aunt" to my now adult 3 nieces and 1 nephew. I am now a great-aunt to a handsome 11 month old. I am the aunt to my closest friend from college's 2 children. To my cousin's children I am "Aunt Tracy". I am the friend who at parties, little people seem to find me, and enjoy me. Remember the scene in Snow White where all the birds flock to her? Yeah, that's me, but with kids.

I love children, so much that I've dedicated 18 years of my professional career to them. I've taught from pre-school through 8th grade special education. Two opposite ends of the spectrum, both with high emotions. I've loved almost every minutes of my career.  But as I turned 40, being the "fun-aunt" wasn't enough, being a teacher wasn't enough. I wanted to be a mom. I've had my heartstrings pulled by the twins, and now by my great-nephew. I wanted to tuck my own children to sleep, hold their hand as we walked down the boardwalk, and hear the sweet voice calling me, "Mommy."

At 40, I know my eggs are slightly scrambled. My ob/gyn not so delicately told me at 34 that my time for having children of my own was running out. I knew from the countless numbers of child development classes that birth-defects dramatically increase as the mother gets older. Hats off to the moms that do it. I just knew I couldn't handle it. They say, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." I would love to give you exhibits A-Z that make me question that statement. I tend to believe, "God gives you the knowledge to make informed decisions." I'll go my route. I will adopt.

In the United States, orphanages are gone. Children who's parents can not care for them are placed with resource families (aka foster families). The ultimate plan for most kids is they will go home to their parents. Resource families can be a neighbor of the child, a grandparent, a friend of the family, or someone like me, has the space and the heart to allow a child (or children) into their lives. It's a big rigorous, with lots of hoops to jump through

I started my process in August. The 40th birthday was coming up and I tend to be contemplative. Forty to me meant, put up or shut up. Become a mom now, or regret it forever. So, being the total nerd I am, I Googled "adoption in NJ" and found a link for information on adoption in NJ. I was clueless. Basically it seemed like I had two options available: private adoption which could cost between $50,000 an $80,000 or foster-adopt (known as fost-adopt) for free. The answer to me was clear. I won't spend 800 on a dog because there are dogs that need homes, why in the world would I spend $80,000 for a child when there are so many kids in the foster care system that need loving families?

More to come as my adventure begins!