Finally! I am officially licensed to mom. As of 11:20 this morning, I am fully licensed. I had a false start on Tuesday when I got a call asking me 3 days ago even though I wasn't fully licensed, did I want 2 kids- 2 and 3. The details that she shared made me say, "No, that's more than I'm willing to take on." Did I feel guilty? Yes. Do I regret it, no. Not one bit. I mean, I wasn't even licensed yet and they were offering me kids. There has to be plenty out there...They will call again in a few weeks right? Wrong...48 hours later, they called. Not once, but twice...actually, three times.
Call one- went to voicemail- two brothers, older than the under 5 category I have mentally been firm on. Decided no, and thought I'd call my resource worker in the AM and let her know. It was after 4 after all, she'll be gone for the night. Less awkward that way. It's kind of like when a guy calls you after a date and asks you out again via voice mail and you don't want to tell him no over the phone, so you wait until you know he's not going to answer and reject him then...NOT that I've ever done that, but I've seen enough romantic comedies to know that's the way to go if that happens. But no, my resource worker called again 20 minutes later. She had a list of kids this time...first kids via voicemail were brought up, I said no. She moved on to the next set of kids- I said no. Then little dude was brought up...a two year old little dude. I said, "I'll take him! When will he be coming?" She said one word, "Tonight."
I was still at work, getting ready for an event that parents were coming to, a great night...next thing I knew I was flying out the door. I had so much to do and so little time to do it. The time, 4:30...a mere 5 hours since I had become licensed. Whoa. I'm sure me running out to the car was something like a Looney Toons cartoon...great big puff of smoke in my tracks. The madness had just begun.
Two stops to see my family, then off to Target. Target is the be all end all for new mom's of toddlers...groceries, clothes and diapers all in the same place. THANK GOD FOR TARGET! At this point I had switched from Looney Toon character mode and then went into the Supermarket Sweep (see cheesy game show circa 1990) mode- I was tearing through the aisles...diapers...my first stop. It was so foreign to me- I just grabbed a few sizes of diapers..done! Thank you Target's liberal return policy! Next- shampoo, baby wash, wipes...done! done! done! Toys- gotta have toys! Done! Texts from friends come in- "HAVE A CAR SEAT DON'T BUY ONE"- You don't have to tell me twice! Done! Suggestions of food for toddlers- chicken nuggets, apple juice, Cheerios, fruit cups, mini pancakes..done, done, done...I knew enough to grab a bag of Goldfish crackers. That's a universal toddler food- Goldfish Crackers. Oh yeah and while in Target my cell rings again- my resource worker-would I be interested in a 9 year old just for the night. NO! Call three...in an hour.
Off to scurry home and try to get some order to the chaotic house I left in the morning. I was just running the vacuum waiting for the call when the doorbell rang..little dude had arrived without so much a phone call letting me know they were on their way. Whoa. Things just got real.
This little dude is something else. He is the model of resilience. He comes to my door in the arms of his social worker, who has to be fresh out of college...she looked fresh out of high school but I know there is a requirement for college with the division. She plops him in my arms, goes and gets his grocery bag full of clothing. She takes a quick look around my house, opens my fridge, runs the water and hands me his medical information. She just asks, "Do you have any questions?" I said, "I'm sure I have a million, but I guess the first thing is, what is next?"
She advised to give him a bath as he smelled of cigarette smoke, feed him and good luck, she'd be in touch tomorrow with the rest of his paperwork. Two hours from call where I agreed to take little dude, the social worker was out the door and I had a 2 year old to entertain. You don't need the play by plays of the night. I fed, I bathed, my niece read him a story and he went to bed...his head's at the foot of the bed, but he's asleep. As I should be now, but I'm too excited and wired too sleep. Starbucks should have a drive thru around here. After I figure out how to put the car seat in my car, I think I'm going to need it!
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
The Inaugural Licensed to Mom
Welcome to Licensed to Mom. This is a blog I decided to start after hearing from so many that I should. While the title does lead one to think it's about being a mom, that's not my entire focus, simply because I am not a mom...YET!
Some women when they hit 40 start going for the botox injections, or start working out furiously. That's not me. I found myself single and 40. Gasp! The horror. I am the definition of what my grandmother would have called a Spinster. I've never married. I have a long litany of failed dates and relationships. I'm okay with being single. I've almost perfected it.
I am the quintessential "fun-aunt" to my now adult 3 nieces and 1 nephew. I am now a great-aunt to a handsome 11 month old. I am the aunt to my closest friend from college's 2 children. To my cousin's children I am "Aunt Tracy". I am the friend who at parties, little people seem to find me, and enjoy me. Remember the scene in Snow White where all the birds flock to her? Yeah, that's me, but with kids.
I love children, so much that I've dedicated 18 years of my professional career to them. I've taught from pre-school through 8th grade special education. Two opposite ends of the spectrum, both with high emotions. I've loved almost every minutes of my career. But as I turned 40, being the "fun-aunt" wasn't enough, being a teacher wasn't enough. I wanted to be a mom. I've had my heartstrings pulled by the twins, and now by my great-nephew. I wanted to tuck my own children to sleep, hold their hand as we walked down the boardwalk, and hear the sweet voice calling me, "Mommy."
At 40, I know my eggs are slightly scrambled. My ob/gyn not so delicately told me at 34 that my time for having children of my own was running out. I knew from the countless numbers of child development classes that birth-defects dramatically increase as the mother gets older. Hats off to the moms that do it. I just knew I couldn't handle it. They say, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." I would love to give you exhibits A-Z that make me question that statement. I tend to believe, "God gives you the knowledge to make informed decisions." I'll go my route. I will adopt.
In the United States, orphanages are gone. Children who's parents can not care for them are placed with resource families (aka foster families). The ultimate plan for most kids is they will go home to their parents. Resource families can be a neighbor of the child, a grandparent, a friend of the family, or someone like me, has the space and the heart to allow a child (or children) into their lives. It's a big rigorous, with lots of hoops to jump through
I started my process in August. The 40th birthday was coming up and I tend to be contemplative. Forty to me meant, put up or shut up. Become a mom now, or regret it forever. So, being the total nerd I am, I Googled "adoption in NJ" and found a link for information on adoption in NJ. I was clueless. Basically it seemed like I had two options available: private adoption which could cost between $50,000 an $80,000 or foster-adopt (known as fost-adopt) for free. The answer to me was clear. I won't spend 800 on a dog because there are dogs that need homes, why in the world would I spend $80,000 for a child when there are so many kids in the foster care system that need loving families?
More to come as my adventure begins!
Some women when they hit 40 start going for the botox injections, or start working out furiously. That's not me. I found myself single and 40. Gasp! The horror. I am the definition of what my grandmother would have called a Spinster. I've never married. I have a long litany of failed dates and relationships. I'm okay with being single. I've almost perfected it.
I am the quintessential "fun-aunt" to my now adult 3 nieces and 1 nephew. I am now a great-aunt to a handsome 11 month old. I am the aunt to my closest friend from college's 2 children. To my cousin's children I am "Aunt Tracy". I am the friend who at parties, little people seem to find me, and enjoy me. Remember the scene in Snow White where all the birds flock to her? Yeah, that's me, but with kids.
I love children, so much that I've dedicated 18 years of my professional career to them. I've taught from pre-school through 8th grade special education. Two opposite ends of the spectrum, both with high emotions. I've loved almost every minutes of my career. But as I turned 40, being the "fun-aunt" wasn't enough, being a teacher wasn't enough. I wanted to be a mom. I've had my heartstrings pulled by the twins, and now by my great-nephew. I wanted to tuck my own children to sleep, hold their hand as we walked down the boardwalk, and hear the sweet voice calling me, "Mommy."
At 40, I know my eggs are slightly scrambled. My ob/gyn not so delicately told me at 34 that my time for having children of my own was running out. I knew from the countless numbers of child development classes that birth-defects dramatically increase as the mother gets older. Hats off to the moms that do it. I just knew I couldn't handle it. They say, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." I would love to give you exhibits A-Z that make me question that statement. I tend to believe, "God gives you the knowledge to make informed decisions." I'll go my route. I will adopt.
In the United States, orphanages are gone. Children who's parents can not care for them are placed with resource families (aka foster families). The ultimate plan for most kids is they will go home to their parents. Resource families can be a neighbor of the child, a grandparent, a friend of the family, or someone like me, has the space and the heart to allow a child (or children) into their lives. It's a big rigorous, with lots of hoops to jump through
I started my process in August. The 40th birthday was coming up and I tend to be contemplative. Forty to me meant, put up or shut up. Become a mom now, or regret it forever. So, being the total nerd I am, I Googled "adoption in NJ" and found a link for information on adoption in NJ. I was clueless. Basically it seemed like I had two options available: private adoption which could cost between $50,000 an $80,000 or foster-adopt (known as fost-adopt) for free. The answer to me was clear. I won't spend 800 on a dog because there are dogs that need homes, why in the world would I spend $80,000 for a child when there are so many kids in the foster care system that need loving families?
More to come as my adventure begins!
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